A Tribute to My Wife

What began a lifetime ago as a blind date, insisted upon by Leona Kaiserman, a former customer and mother-like figure to me after my mother had passed away, ended at exactly 1:30 PM on Friday June 30th 2017, when Suzanne my wife of 33 and a half years and Mother of my children Dara and Zach, drew her last breath in her fight against lung cancer. 6 years, 6 damn years now without her.

It all started when I received a phone call from Leona, informing me that she had the phone number of a young woman that she wanted me to call. I was fresh off a divorce and as I explained to Leona, I was not remotely interested in a date, blind or otherwise for that matter. Ray, Leona said sternly, you’re calling her. Oh, no I’m not, I protested! Here is her number, her name is Suzanne, she is a blackjack dealer at Playboy and you’re calling her. I’m not! You are and that is the end of it, now call her, and well, I did.

Sometimes a surrogate mother figure knows best. It was a little after 3 in the afternoon on a Wednesday and I called as I was instructed to do by Leona. Unfortunately, I woke Suzanne up, she had worked the graveyard shift the night before and well, she was still sleeping so that she could do it again that night. I introduced myself, explained that Leona had insisted that I contact her, I made some small talk and then in the most obnoxious voice that I could muster, uttered this incredibly insensitive phrase, “well, I suppose I should ask you out for dinner this weekend.” I suppose I should, what an absolutely asshole way of asking someone out! Suzanne agreed, and I gave her my number and told her I would be in touch. I called, as Leona had insisted, made small talk and arranged a dinner date that I really sort of didn’t want to go on.

A couple minutes later the phone rang and it was Suzanne and well, after the fog of sleep wore off, she had come to her senses and realized that I had been a complete and obnoxious jerk, and suggested that perhaps I should come and visit her at the casino before she agrees to a date. I went from a date to an interview for a possible date. Who does that, really, who?

That night I went to the Playboy Hotel & Casino for what turned out to be the most important interview in my life. Suzanne told me that she was working on the third floor of the casino, so I headed up there to introduce myself. I wandered around the casino floor looking for Bunny Shay, Suzanne’s alias, since Playboy didn’t let the bunny dealers use their real names. My God, Shay (Suzanne) was gorgeous, absolutely mesmerizing in her Bunny outfit, all of about 5 feet tall, thin, barely 100 hundred pounds I guessed, and at that very moment, I thought if ever you could be charming Ray, now would be the opportune time. I waited for her to shuffle and then introduced myself. She said she was going on break soon and that we could talk then. We went to the dealer lounge, chatted, laughed a little and apparently I passed my interview because before I left to go home we firmed up our dinner date for Saturday night.

So, yeah the dinner went well, actually we became somewhat inseparable, it was a matter of months before Suzanne moved in with me and we were together for over 35 years from the time of that first phone call until she passed on June 30th, 2017. We weren’t always perfect together but honestly, together we were perfect.

Suzanne introduced me to things I had never tried before, coffee for one, I never drank it before I met her, Dijon mustard, nothing goes better on a tuna melt, bleu cheese dressing, there is absolutely nothing that bleu cheese dressing doesn’t make taste better, and family, she made me understand what it means to really be a part of one.

We struggled for years to have children, traveled near and far hoping to finally find a way to become parents, in vitro fertilization, multiple surgeries, contemplating adoption and then finally one day just naturally getting pregnant, first with Dara Shefska Segal, who will be 30 this September and then Zach Shefska who will turn 28 next month.

Yes, we had our share of trials and tribulations, of good times and bad, of happiness and sadness and ultimately of loss. Nothing really prepares you for loss, especially the loss of someone you have spent 35+ years with, who made you more than you ever thought you could be, who really gave meaning to your life. No, nothing prepares you for that feeling of emptiness, other than memories. Memories allow us to always be and to remain together, physically Suzanne is no longer there but my memories of her are constant. Thank goodness you answered the phone when it rang that Wednesday in 1982, I’m not sure where I would be today if you hadn’t. Six years, six damn years without you.

Suzanne, you are my everything and I’ll never stop loving and missing you.