Five Years After My Wife's Death

Today, June 30th at exactly 1:30 in the afternoon, will mark five years since my wife Suzanne passed away from lung cancer. Five years and as many of you may remember, on the previous anniversaries of Suzanne’s death, I have written poignantly and hopefully somewhat eloquently about what her life and passing has meant to me and my children Dara and Zach.

I have written about and pondered how her passing has changed me, has forced me to take a closer look at who I am, my triumphs and more often than not my epic failures as a husband and father, all in an effort to become at minimum a better father to my children and ultimately a better person.

I have written about how Suzanne was the glue that held and to this day still holds our family together. I have recounted story after story about how she impacted not only those closest to her, her family and dear friends but also those in her periphery, her special education students, their parents and the other teachers and administrators that she worked with.

I have written about watching our children grow and develop into wonderful caring, compassionate and productive human beings who are destined to make a difference in this world. Strong in their convictions, sincere in their understanding of the difference between right and wrong and willing to exemplify those convictions that they hold so near and dear by not just talking the talk but by walking the walk.

I have written about pain, grief, personal growth and moving on. I have shared publicly insights into what my shortcomings and vulnerabilities are for all the world to see with the hope that by doing so, I would be validating Suzanne’s attempts to get me to be a more honest and less fearful partner and that her efforts weren’t in vain. I guess in reality it took her death for me to face my demons head-on so that I could honor her memory by working on becoming the man she had always encouraged me to be, the man she had always hoped that I would become.

Five years.

FIVE EXCRUCIATINGLY LONG YEARS! I think that it is safe to say that I’m still not quite over losing you.

Doing my best to honor your memory not just today but rather, everyday. Suzanne, I’ll never stop missing you.

Much love,

Ray